I was a weepy mess yesterday afternoon. Why am I feeling like this? My husband evidently did not realize how upset this whole thing has been making me feel. He curled up with me on the bed and we talked a little. He said he wants a little time to think about how he feels about having another child before we decide what to do. He does have a point...I've been thinking about this for months, whereas he has only been aware of my doubts for a week or so. I have conditioned him to not even consider it a possibility, so he hasn't given it one bit of thought in a couple years or more.

He did suggest that I go ahead and stop the pill. (YIKES!) That way, if we decide we want to try again, my body will be ready. We can use alternate protection until we make a decision.

When we got pregnant with Mackenzie, I had been off the pill for several months. I had not been in a long-term relationship for a few years, and I was using condoms anyway, so at the time I thought it pointless to mess with my hormones. THEN, I met my soulmate. I knew within a few days of meeting him that he was THE ONE. He was the man I wanted to be the father of my children, the man I wanted to grow old with. I'd never been so sure of anything before, nor have I since. Incredibly, he felt the same, and as crazy as it sounds, we started trying to get pregnant right away. After only knowing each other 4 months, we were expecting a baby. (I like to compare it to putting on a blindfold and running toward the edge of a cliff.) Miraculously, we made it through and our marriage survived.

In retrospect, I know this was a huge contributing factor in my difficulty with adjusting to motherhood. I was not only learning to be a mom, but I was getting to know a new husband. (For future reference: NOT AN IDEAL SITUATION.) This makes me think that it really would'nt be as bad as the first time.

Oh, yeah, and my brother's wife called me last night and said they were not pregnant, and would probably not be trying again. She said that she has been trying to talk my brother into having another child for over a year, but the minute she thought they might be pregnant, she was terrifed and thinking, what in the #$%& am I doing?!? Yeah, me too. What the #$%& am I doing??