DH and I had a nice, long talk last night in bed. It's wonderful being married to my best friend. He has this way of making my burdens so much lighter. Just being able to tell him how I feel about it lowers my anxiety about the whole thing. He says we should just relax, go with the flow and see what happens. I'm stressing too much over it (UNDERSTATEMENT) and I need to just set it aside for now. I'm trying to rush a decision that I'm not ready to make. Whatever we decide, whenever we decide, we will know we've made the right decision.

We also talked about what it was like when we conceived DD. I sometimes feel like I sorta pushed him into it...He laid my fears to rest last night and said he had felt just as strongly about it as I did. He said, "Whatever hormone we were flying high on at the time, I was flying just as high as you!" I told him how I felt after she was born, about feeling worthless, subhuman, ugly, fat, unworthy to be a parent and wife...And I also told him that going back to that scares me more than anything. I can't go to that place again. I've never really gone into too much detail with him about the ppd because I tend to get really upset and cry whenever I talk about it. (Yeah, I did a bit of crying last night.) It felt good to talk about it, to make him understand just a little bit of why I'm scared.

Wanna hear something funny? Just talking to him about my fears and anxiety over the whole thing made me feel more confident that I could do it again.

He truly is my soulmate.